This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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