i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
