Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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