what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize