i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
