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there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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