We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
