She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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