he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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