you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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