He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
