dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
