he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
