oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
