I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
