I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
