im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
