Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
