Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
