i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
