How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
