I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
