And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
