What a fucking waste of an outfit
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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