so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
