so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
