Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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