I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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