I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
