When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
