And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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