Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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