i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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