I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
