Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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