Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
