dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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