Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
