I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
