We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
