your parents love me but you hate me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
