I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
