I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
