Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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