He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
