Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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