she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
