Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i believe in u and ur pee
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