I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
