I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
