i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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