but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
