I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
