Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
