Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize