He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
