I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
