party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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