You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
