oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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