drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
