oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my shit smells like andre
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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