So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
