I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
