i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
