I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
