My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
